Life through a Caloriescope

Whether it be the dotting of i’s and the crossing of t’s on your final essay, or noticing the tiny remnants of garlic bread that’s lodged itself in the deep corners of your date’s mouth and now not being able to focus on anything else but that, it is far from uncommon that we can all at times pay particular attention to detail, however small or irrelevant.

But when it starts becoming distressing when you realise you’ve forgotten the contribution your morning and evening teeth cleaning could play on your daily calorie count, probably means you’ve migrated away from just normal attention to detail, and merged towards the less common microscopic attention to detail.

It might be these “micro’s” and “macro’s” you’re counting – which FYI still just makes me think of a giant superstore where you can buy 1000 rolls of toilet paper in one hit – or counting the number of fruit and veg eaten a day to keep the doctor away, either or, calorie counting does sometimes play an important daily priority for a lot of people.

I’ve never categorised myself to be a ‘Calorie Counter’. I ate when I felt hungry and what I felt hungry for, but would always remain aware of what I was eating and how much I was eating. Never would I’d have thought that I’d find myself each night calculating gram for gram, the content of a bag of ‘wholefood’ kidney beans, dividing it by the number of dinners it lasted through, then adding it to the other meticulously measured calories from each banana, apple and glass of squash I’d had that day. Thus resulting in an almost definitively accurate account of the 1347 calories down to 1176, down to 892, down to 650 calories I’d had that day.

It can sometimes be so easy to surpass calories in a day, claiming “I haven’t eaten hardly anything today” unknowingly forgetting those 2 biscuits you had before and after lunch, as well as that milky latte, the bottle of Lucozade and the Yorkie chocolate bar you quickly snatched up on the way back from work. I envy so much, those that can happily grab a few handfuls of the peanut M&M’s from the share-bag and not worrying or even remotely wondering that they’ve actually just had say, 238 calories, because who cares when they taste so bloody good?!

With the dreaded food diary, now rightfully dumped at the bottom of a landfill site, I no longer spend such wasteful hours wondering to the exact unit of calorie what’s gone down my gullet. Yes, I can still probably reel off exactly what I’ve eaten over the last week because I’m still very weary and miracles don’t happen overnight. But at least I can relax far more than I once could and can now say that I wouldn’t be able to tell you whether my bowl of bran flakes this morning was 47g at 203 calories or actually the recommended 45g at 180 calories…It was actually quite a  big bowl because I felt particularly hungry after my rapid 11km run last night and what silly person ignores their hunger ahe?


  1. Not only are you brilliant, funny,entertaining and informative,you are definitely educating an ould fella like me to modern life,keep going,I think you are great,,love seamus.


    1. Thank you Seamus, that’s really kind of you to say and I’m so flattered from those words. I’m glad I’m keeping you informed and entertained anyway and hope you continue to enjoy it 🙂


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